Finding Hope and Love
by Troy N
Summary: This a continuing in deph about when Blair God wants her to stay away from Chuck and when she realizes that is the exact opposite.
1. Chapter 1

I am about to write a story where the focus in on a new outcome of when Blair starts talking to God. Where she sees Gods plan for her. I will start tomorrow. God is so controversial right now that I may get a few mad readers but I don't care. If you deny God he will deny you.

xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

My family wasn't feeling well and I took care of them so now neither am I but they are in perfect health. Yay! I will update as soon as I'm well. I am so so sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

I am starting now on the story but won't be finished till late tonight after some wine and rewatching that episode. Xoxo


	4. Dear God it's Me Again

It had been weeks since our aciddent and I had lost the baby, where Chuck had almost been lost to me too. I couldn't loose both of them or it would have made me wish for no life at all. God had made it clear that Chuck was to go and I was to continue with the wedding. I had seen what would happen if I chose the other option. I can remember as clear as day him reaching for my hand and thinking he was gone for good. It had always been Chuck for me but maybe it was time to realize that after everything went wrong since him and I had been close we were doomed. I had been leaning on my friend Dan because I couldn't tell Serena because she would think I was acting crazy and tell Chuck why I wasn't talking to him. They would try to talk me out of this but that couldn't happen. I had finally broken and told Serena the truth when I thought it was safe. had been with a priest everyday since and not the royal one. I needed someone who didn't know me at all and told everyone I was planning my wedding. The truth was I couldn't look at my dress, and I hated seeing anyone. IT all reminded me of what happened and all I could see is him dieing next to me. God took my deal and for that I was grateful. It was shocking that after everything I'd done wrong that he'd still be there for me. As I walked up the stairs of the chapel I held my breath and once again thanked him for giving me a second chance. I couldn't let him down. Dear father forgive me for all my wrongs I'm sure I have plenty more to go.

MY new Priest was named Father Luke and he was probably the only person but God who knew all my dirty secrets.

I kneeled down. "Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been ummmm like 24 hours since my last confession I think, but don't hold me on that.

"Speak my child" said the priest.

"I have been trying really hard to keep Chuck out of my life but it gets harder everyday because I love him so much. I don't think God will forgive me for going back on my word." I said.

He looked at me sadly. "My child through Jesus Christ GOD blesses others with his compassion. He looks not on your faults but on your love for others. God dose not hold love against us. He holds our actions against us done against his laws. You have time to change your mind as you wear no ring. In Gods eyes marriage is forever so he'd want you to be sure of your decision and do it for the right reasons not because your afraid he'll be mad at you or kill Chuck."

"That's just it." I said. " I'm wondering if he's trying to point me in the right direction."

I had alot to think about. Was God trying to tell with what happened what to choose or with my heart what to choose. The look on Chucks face when I told him goodbye drove a wrench in my heart everytime I thought of it. I had told Louie that I'd never been so sure but I went to church the next day because that was a other lie I told. Louie was good for me but could I live without passion. I had promised Chuck forever and then it had ended in an instant. I knew he wasn't giving up and that meant my guard couldn't be let down. I was playing a dangerous game and putting my cards in God knowing he knew all the awnsers already. I just wish he'd give me the cliff notes version... Don't we all though?


	5. Chapter 5

In hospital don't most likely won't be able to update tonight. I'll be all hooked up, lol.


	6. what happened

So I'm an honest and blunt kind of girl so I'll speak of what happened. A cliff notes version. I was in the hospital because I was starting to bleed to death. I have been ok but very tired since so I'm taking a wee break and doing what us southern girls do best when were to weak. Curling up under a quilt in my bed I love which was outrageous so I need to make sure I use it as much as I can so its worth an arm and a leg. Laying here though I can garuntee it was totally worth it... Please hang in there with me even though updates may be slow. It aparently make take some time before I'm back to myself. Being weak and tired all the time stinks! My Persian has decided to be my offical cuddle therapy though along with my family who has decided to be with me all the time. Or it could just be the bed. Lol. Anyway that's what happened.


End file.
